As we approach New Year’s Resolution time, we’ll begin to voice the promises we’re making to ourselves. Many will vow to eat healthier and lose weight. Others will set goals to spend less and save more.
Instead of making resolutions that apply only to yourself and your own body, resolve to be more accepting. I’m not advocating for alternate lifestyles or bad choices. I’m talking about simple differences in tastes and needs.
You are not me.
My siblings and I were raised by a control freak and were destined to become the same. Ergo, I married another controller to remain in my comfort zone, but I got well. My ex-husband’s idea of a family was that everyone should be forced to like and need the same things. If you didn’t agree with the head (in his own mind) controller’s wants and needs, you were wrong. Obviously, this is a completely flawed outlook.
A family is a group of very different people thrown together by God.
Donna Milner
Family members have different interests, different tastes and extremely different needs. Some are related by blood and others were brought into the mix by an alternate path. Regardless, a family should be a place to enjoy unique pastimes, favorite foods and have your needs and hopefully, many of our wants met without ridicule. This also applies to our inner circle of family-like friends who don’t necessarily live with us.
Raising them in the way they should go
I believe that children should be expected to taste test a variety of foods. But as we grow our tastes develop. We like certain things and don’t like others. My mother loved her food burnt to a crisp. I hate it that way (so I was wrong by the way). She liked her perogies boiled or fried. I won’t eat them unless they are browned and crispy; otherwise, they taste like raw dough (to me). She also enjoyed her recipe for Swiss steak (I still don’t know what that stringy meat consisted of) and salmon patties. Both turned my stomach.
My brother likes well-done pizza with the cheese hardened by fire. Yuck! I need my pizza cheese gooey and soft. Otherwise, it’s not worth the calories. He also likes his noodles so al dente that they crunch. I’ll take mine cooked, please.
Bottom Line: in these examples, no one was wrong. The wrong emerges when we insist that others agree with our tastes and share our needs. Independence and confidence are fostered when uniqueness is celebrated. Teach them to accept the unique way they were created; by God’s design.
Healthy, but Hated
In another example, I had a friend who insisted on having only healthy, whole wheat bread in the house. Some may argue that wheat bread is not healthy, but we do the best we can. Anyway, she liked dense, hearty bread and that’s what she bought for the health of her family, to her children’s dismay. Finally, one day she shared the household bread argument with me, knowing I was health-conscious. I had this same argument with my controlling, ex-husband.
My reply surprised her. I hate dense, hearty bread. My bread needs to be soft and smooth or, again, it’s not worth the calories. In my house, I too insisted on only what I considered a healthy bread option. But I found a brand that was also soft and tasty. She wasn’t a controller, just trying to do what was best. After that conversation, she read some labels and began buying two loaves of bread. One for her and one for the kids. I understand that money is tight, but a New Year’s Resolution to make small expenditures can go a long way in fostering harmony. The oldest daughter actually called and thanked me.
May I make a New Year’s Resolution suggestion?
This new year let’s resolve to accept that another’s taste is not wrong because it’s not yours. Don’t indulge an unhealthy diet, but don’t insist that anyone share your taste buds.
- Take turns choosing what’s for dinner.
- Take some of the noodles out early and let the rest cook for me.
- Order two pizzas and be sure one is the kind I like.
I am not suggesting that mom make five dinners, but family peace involves compromise. As our tastes develop, so do our abilities. There is nothing to say that kids can’t make dinner or at least help; whether male or female I might add. Waiting hand and foot on capable humans is never advantageous to that human, but that’s another blog.
Moving on, needs vary in the same way. Our bodies were designed uniquely by God with different tastes as well as different needs. For instance, if your hair is dry you may have to spend another four or five dollars a month on a second bottle of shampoo for oily hair. Your hormonal teenager “needs” it.
New Year’s Resolution – Mantra:
You Are Not Me, by God’s design.
Most importantly, we all need to accept the fact that you are not me. We also need to realize that, while we should make wise decisions, we control nothing. Remember, any of our lives can be turned completely upside down with one phone call. Try to relax and enjoy each other; even our differences.
The fine print: Please note that this blog is focused on individual taste preferences and bodily needs. Don’t go all Christian or offended on me. I am not endorsing all decisions as acceptable. Like I said, relax.
My Blogs & Designs
I invite you to enjoy my other God Said Write entries or check out my website and other blogs:
- Chelsi Graphics, LLC, my graphic design portfolio
- Call CG, educational blog for entrepreneurs
- RV Lifestylers, our travel blog
My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I told him early in the relationship to let me know if he didn’t like something I cooked or, “you might get it every Friday.” At first, he was hesitant because his ex-wife would have been insulted and all hell would have broken loose. I had to assure him repeatedly that I did not expect him to be me.
We also agreed that the dog and cat wouldn’t sleep on the bed. BUT, in a storm, when the dog is petrified, need for comfort (even for the furbabies) trumps the no bed agreement for that night. Compromise.
Peace and harmony are invaluable!
Blessings – Enjoy the Journey!